I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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