winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
