We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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