U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
