Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
