Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
