I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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