I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
