Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
