you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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