You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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