i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
