let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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