Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
