drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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