Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
