Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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