I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
