And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
