get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
