Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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