Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
