soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
