goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
