i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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