I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
