The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
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I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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