All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
