I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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