Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
