So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
