Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
