I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
