New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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