Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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