It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
