Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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