btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
