I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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