i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
