I wish I only lived at night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
