Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
