I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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