getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
