So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
