Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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