Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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