I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
