your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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