This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
