im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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