Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
