my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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