Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
