He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
