My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
