and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
