Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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