is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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