apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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