GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
