I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
