my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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