she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
