I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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