you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
